SHOCKING, FUNNY, UNUSUAL – part 2

Who is in my opinion the funniest nation in the world when traveling? Why do I never sit on the suitcases? Why I didn’t serve “the blue member”? Read the shocking, funny, unusual short stories from the times I have been working as a flight attendant.

1. The funniest nation

I considered the Chinese people the funniest nation of all our passengers. I’ve seen them as small children. Most of them don’t speak English, so they are trying to communicate in any way possible – with hands, legs, and sounds. Like small kids, who are trying to learn how to speak. They point at things and talk Chinese. With huge smiles on their faces.

In 90% of cases, they want hot water or noodles. They don’t complain, don’t create problems. When we ask them what they want to eat, they just stare at us. So we can give them whatever we have left. They won’t fight with us, they are thankful for whatever we serve them. And they don’t get offended when we joke with them a little.

During one flight, the old lady came to the galley (kitchen on the plane) and started speaking Chinese to me, fast and fluently, like she expected I will understand her. I didn’t.

I apologized and asked her if she can speak English. She turned her head from side to side. No. I turned my head from side to side, too. And she started speaking again. Again in Chinese, with the same intensity as before. I kept staring at her.

And I started speaking Slovak to her. She didn’t expect that. She was probably used to the sound of English but didn’t recognize the sounds I’d been doing when speaking Slovak. She started laughing. Me too. 

And what she needed from me? She wanted to empty her hot water bottle and… and fill it with the hot water.

2. Why I will never sit on the suitcase again

The long flights were always exhausting. It didn’t matter if I slept all night before the flight all night or if I managed to sleep even during the break in our small “bedroom” – a room full of bunks for the crew. We were all out of energy after the flights from America or Australia, which lasted more than 11 hours.

One early morning after a long flight, we’ve been waiting for the bus to take us from the plane to headquarters. I was so tired that I barely managed to stand. I decided to sit on my small suitcase, which we bring on board with us. The next thing I know, I woke up on the ground, with my colleague standing next to me, asking if I am okay. I fell asleep and fell from the suitcase!

Everyone was staring at me. I was so ashamed that the first thing that came to my mind was to say that I didn’t feel well. She called the supervisor and she wanted me to go to be checked by a doctor. I refused. But until we said goodbye in the headquarters, she kept asking me if I feel better. 

Since then, I’ve never sat on the suitcase. Lesson learned.

3. But I have the blue membership card, you have to give me more alcohol!

Flight from Pakistan. All goes well, service done, some more drinks served. The service call in one row keeps ringing, we keep bringing alcohol to 3 men sitting there. They are from Pakistan, the country where there is no alcohol available, only on the black market. They are going to Dubai to work probably on construction or as taxi drivers. Difficult and not well-paid jobs. 

We notice, that they are a bit drunk after a few drinks. They maybe never tried alcohol before so they want to use the opportunity of our unlimited bar. But! It is unlimited until the moment when they aren’t able to pronounce “whisky” which they are drinking. 

They start to be loud, and we don’t go to serve them anymore but they keep pressing the service button. Purser (manager of the flight), a pretty big tall guy comes and explains to them that they can’t have more alcohol because they are drunk. They don’t agree. He changes his strategy and threatens them that if they will disembark drunk in Dubai, they will be caught by police. So they would better be sober until we land. They shut up and he leaves.

I am cleaning the galley (kitchen on the plane) when one of these guys comes there. 

“I want more uisk.” I guess he wants whisky.

I refuse to serve him. He leaves and comes back with his phone, showing me something on the screen.

“I am a blue member. You have to serve me!”

Poor guy. He thought that the blue membership entitled him to something extra. I am trying not to laugh at the way how he said that. Like he is someone very important and we have to grant his wishes.

The airline has a membership program, where people can register for free and if they fly often, they get points and rewards. It has 4 colors – levels, from blue which starts on 0 miles (first flight ever) to platinum. Platinum members are VIPs of the airline, we also treat them better. Blue members are completely everybody.

I cool him off. No drinks, that’s it. Do you want me to call a purser again to deal with you?

“No madame, okay madame.” Suddenly sober, when he heard the word “purser”, he goes back to his seat and stays there until the landing. Our blue member.

Want some more?

Read part 1, another 3 stories. Or wait for the part 3. I have many more stories to tell…